The Host (2006)

This is one unfriendly host

All right, i know what you guys are thinking about. All of you must be crucifying me by now. Thought number 1: "WHAT!?. He doesn't know what the title 'The Host' meant?!" and maybe,just maybe, thought number 2: "What took him so long to write another movie?" (I kinda hope you guys miss my reviews hAha)
First and foremost, i do understand what the title meant. The Host is actually a monster hosting some virus and not welcome-to-my-place-and make-yourself-at-home that kinda host.Capisci? Well, secondly, i'm not part of the Shaw brothers and i can't go for every single movie screening without paying. Hope I clarify your thoughts and CAN I JUST GET ON WITH THE MOVIE? THANKS!

Phew, that was a mouthful isn't it. I tell you, you don't know whats a mouthful until you see the bad ass host with mouthfuls of tender and salty (the sweat!) humans. Woah watching that big ass lizard gobbling up people makes me hungry. Really, how hungry can that thing get? I guess its metabolism is sky high. Or perhaps its those fat burning kickass swings that make it hungry? I don't know. Lets find out.

Me: Hi Mr. Host, how are you feeling today?
Host: Mind your gender boy. I'm a missus and i feel the same everyday; HUNGRY.

M: Erm... I'm sorry erm Ms. Host. Why are you always hungry?
H: (Sobbing) I've a story to tell that can answer your questions. I was once a lizard. I lived happily with my childhood sweetheart at a sewer near the Han River. One fine day, when my love was out hunting for flies, the sewer was suddenly filled with smoke. I thought it was the pest busters so i ignored it. Then out of a sudden, some acidic liquid burnt my skin! It was so painful that i passed out. When I came to, I discovered that I developed a long and huge tail. There are fins all over and I my mouth was full of teeth! I became bigger and I had this hunger pang. At the corner of my eye, I saw something moving. I immediately went for it. Little did i know that it was my sweetheart... (Burst out crying)

M: I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences. Did you know an American scientist caused this to happen? He poured chemical into the Han River and... (Interrupt by Ms.Host)

H: Of course I do! I wanna say a big FUCK YOU to him. Now the government is spraying all these nonsense chemical into the river, just to get rid of a virus. They claimed that I am a host of some virus just because some people developed some rashes when i touched them. Come on, its not because of me. Its because they don't observe personal hygiene! Virus my tail (she has no ass, thus tail)! There's no virus!

M: Wow. Now thats a piece of news. Anyway a man, Park Kang-du, claimed that his daughter is still alive even though you already capture her. I thought you always feel hungry? Why didn't you eat her?
H: Oh, you mean Park Hyun-seo? She's so adorable. I can't bear to eat her. Besides there's still so many bodies in my storage. I just want a companion.

M: Er ok. You intend to free her?
H: See how my mood goes.

M: Do you know that her father and family are going to the sewer to kill you and save her?
H: HAHA. Don't make me laugh. The stupid government has already cordoned of the area. Its like Area 51 now. They cannot get through. I feel like a princess living in a heavily guarded palace! Now the government is using the tax payers money on some stupid agent call Agent Yellow. Duh name.

M: Thanks Ms. Host thats all for today. Thank you for your valuable time!
H: Wait wait.. You looked kinda delicious too, besides, I'm kinda hungry now... (Smiles at me)

Then I started to run. You better run too.

(4/5)